I actually need sleep but as soon as i dont have anything to busy myself with i start to think.
the latest change- i am moving.
We looked at a house today that is amount a 10 min walk away from where i currently am and its great, i get the big room with a floor to ceiling bookcase and fire place, its $10 more in rent but it covers water, electricity, internet, rates, everything and its a house, no more drying my laundry on a clothes horse in the living room, afternoons on the balcony, sun baking in the back yard.
Great timing too, the apartment is being sold next week and then i would have 4 weeks to find somewhere.
but just as i was lying down to sleep i thought my time here at my home with my substitute family, where i have lived for the last 18 months is nearly up and i knew it was happening but these next 4 months are going to be very different.
The end is near and its sad.


A while back I had a thought and it was that "this is it, this is the time".
You're cruising along, loving life and everything in it and then you realize that it has been such a trip and it went so quickly because you were so happy, time flew past and then you stop and notice what has happened and then it all changes.
Not everything but small things and they slowly build up and make it impossible to go back.
its not bad but its not like it was, its just different. before we didnt realize it was happening and now i can see the changes unfold.


but thats the way it goes and if it wasnt this it would be something else.
It is strange to sit back and watch the changes take over. it is inevitable.
but like i said, its just really sad.