This is Mine. This has now turned into my travel blog. sometime i may not make sense and you will just have to bare with me.. staring at a computer screen is a buzz kill. the photos will be mostly mine.

The Church

What could i possibly say about 'The Church'?
You hear the stories but you don't really understand, The Church is madness.

It is what it sounds like.. an old church, converted into a club which is only open for 3 hours on a sunday afternoon.
We went for Carlie's birthday/ Australia day.
We dressed up and started the drinking at 11am. Game on.
Every single person is in dress up and they are all drunk, oh and they are all Aussies.
What we all witnessed in that club was something we hadnt before.
There are huge screens all over the place that screen girls in the crowd until they flash the entire club, we had a black male stripper who was the biggest i have ever seen, the boys also go their more than fair share with a female stripper and contests that got girls on stage to bend over and pick up things with their teeth and no hands and strip... Boobs were definitely the flavour of the day and i imagine this is the standard.
Rachel and i thought it would be a good idea to steal peoples costumes... we got quite a loot in the end with 4 hats, 2 necklaces, 1 bandana and a fake horses head... i had to flash and kiss 2 boys in order to get this  and in any other place i would have been embarrased if that is how it went down but The Church is a different paying field where anything goes.
Boys would just walk past you and kiss you to see how it would go.. you cant pull that shit in some places.
Our four hours were up and we decided to watch Man Utd beat Aresnal, we went home and continued the drinking... we all had to work the next day but it was defintely worth it.

So it is fair to say that we cannot wait to go back.
Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself  in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care. About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there." With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, 
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you'll want to go down. In that case, of course, you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there in the wide open air.Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you. And then things start to happen, don't worry. Don't stew. Just go right along. You'll start happening too.


You'll be on your way up! You'll be seeing great sights! You'll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed. You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so but, sadly, it's true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then,that you'll be in a Slump.And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're dark. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you'll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting. 

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or the waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow.Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for the wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.With banner flip-flapping, once more you'll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't
Because, sometimes they won't.

I'm afraid that some times you'll play lonely games too.Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl.
On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike, And I know you'll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act.Just never foget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)


be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

How about i change it up again and confuse myself with how i am feeling? yeah? sound good?
either way i am back to normal-ish.
I need to stop getting so caught up in my head, think about things properly and breathe.

Lets see how it goes.

How different this post is going to be from my last.
I have lost myself. reverting back to old habits and letting the cracks show.
I thought that i was good but maybe I'm not, my actions are definitely proving the worst and i can even explain them, i feel like i am making excuses.
The last time i did this or felt this shit was basically a year ago to date and i hate to think how i dealt with it back then because it wasnt good. It was 1 step forward and 3 steps back.
How do i break that particular habit, where do i find the strength, why do i find the need..
I am trying to be as open as i can be, will that be the difference, if i put it in writing then maybe it will take the pressure off of keeping it inside.
I literally just want to block myself off again, not say anything. I know that is not the way but its the one i want to use. My comfort zone. my stupid fucking comfort zone.

I keep meaning to write a post that sums up what is happening over here.
This part of my life has been really important for my growth and i know i sound like a massive wanker but i feel like i am finally becoming who i want to be and actually knowing it is happening is kinda cool. 
I essentially haven't changed, i will be the Tracey that everyone knows back home but improved. I have gained a new confidence over here and i have no idea how to explain it but i feel much more secure in myself then i ever have.
Take me back to 3 years ago and i would not have thought i would be living and working in London.
I really want to take advantage of everything that is happening over here, i want to go out on weeknights and see that amazing act in a Open Mic night, i want to go to the pub and watch a football match, i want to be excited when my new team wins, i want to embrace the cold, i want to have shit days over here so when i good one comes along i know i will appreciate it, i want to miss home because i need that feeling so i get back there, i want make mistakes with boys so i know what i really want.
Last year really tested me, in basically every single way right up until the end and while some very shit things happened i will only remember the ones that will impact my life for the future.. my bag getting stolen? what of it, i don't laugh at that situation and i doubt i ever will but it was such a lesson to learn and while i could have done without the heart ache i rarely even think of it anymore.
I guess what i think now is " how the fuck will i top last year?" but i guess thats not really the point is it? i could never compare last year to what this year is going to be, the only way i could would be to do exactly the same thing over again which i would never do.
I found a home i didnt think i would ever have here. I found a family in my flatmates and i am finally finding myself.


New years eve!
what a night and  a night that i dont think i will be re-inacting anytime soon.
Stumbling everywhere.
It was such a love hate thing, i hated being 'that person', you know the highest person in the club but i had such a fantastic night.
Koko delivered and Dog is Dead were such an act to see.
The key is to literally hold no expectations for the night. I didnt and it was one of the best NYE's i have had in a while.
Good location, good music and good people... plus i got to see Matt shuffle.

2012 i am ready to start.

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